He Ain’t No Saint

Please take me back so that I can make it right!! Just Before it all begun...

I’m in bed wondering how I ended up in this tragic situation. Im bewildered, sad and not feeling hopeful today. I guess life’s happenings have gotten to me and I don’t know what else to do or whom to turn to.

Should I continue believing in the saying, “Tough times never last but tough people do?”

Because I don’t feel as tough now. At least not today. I’m beat. I’m scared...

God is watching and listening I believe. He can see my predicaments. What’s the way out my Dear Lord? Or am I damned to damnation? 

Only A Supernatural Being can get me out of this situation.

Is this it? Im constantly asking myself, I’m asking God too...

I’m thinking about my daily routine. The things I think of and have done wrong. I’m convinced that My sins have finally caught up with me. What a bummer!

How I wish I had some heads up.

Seems I haven’t forgiven myself and somehow I believe I’m simply paying for the troubles I’ve caused. 

Their is a Swahili saying that goes, “karma will find you on earth.” 

I’m simply living up to the saying...

When did I ever loose it? At what point in time did I cross the red line? 

I imagine it’s a bad dream and can’t wait to wake up. I really pray and hope it is...

Or I’m in a movie that will soon avail a time capsule that will take me back to my past, just before it all begun. It’s a nightmare, a horrible horror movie.

I want to make it right.

I need to make it flawless and perfect.

But how??? I need to start all over.

I’ve thought of different points in time where I might have lost it and still can’t pinpoint a single time to be the exact moment when I begun my randevu’s with sin. 

All I know is that I’m guilty as charged. 

An equal price for dining with the devil.

Was it when I was elected a deacon in church; preaching water and drinking wine? When being a Christian was only on Sabbath? This should be it. It looks like the biggest greatest sin I ever committed. Or maybe not...

Maybe it was when I thought sin was sweet and the walk of Christianity was just too rigid. This should be it. Seems like “the grand sin.” Taking God for Granted. Or maybe this isn’t it...

Was it when I was in college and had bad company and even engaged in bad behavior? This was just a teenager, a young man experimenting and experiencing life. 

So I think...

Maybe it started when I was younger. When I plotted to steal coins from my mom to buy candy or smoked my grandpa’s pipe or when I fought with the neighbors kids or when I threw dirt into the neighbors house because he refused to let me in. I was one cheeky and stubborn kid. Is that really it? but I was just a child...

Wait a minute... Maybe I’m paying for the sins of my parents or grandparents or some past people that I don’t know. I’ve heard The Bible talk about generational curse in Exodus 34:7. This one sounds suitable. 

But again I’m not that clean either...

Maybe it all has to do with me. 

What did I see that I shouldn’t have seen? What did I eat that I shouldn’t have eaten? What did I say that I shouldn’t have said? 

What did I touch that I shouldn’t have touched?

What did I hear that I shouldn’t have heard? 

Or where did I go that I shouldn’t have gone?

Indeed I can’t pinpoint the exact moment/s when all the dining’s with the devil begun because clearly there are too many things, reasons and occasions when I acted sinful.

I just don’t know when exactly this man became a sinner. All I know is that, he ain’t no saint.

Did I find sin or did sin come looking for me? I’m on the fence here... born into sin. Really? Sounds kinda unfair.

Please take me back so that I can make it right!! Just Before all the sinning begun...

My conscience is killing me. I live with a cloud of guilt over my head and even when I pray, I pray like a condemned man. 

This man that seem to live, breathe and talk hope to the world is hopeless himself and dieing with his heavy yoke. A teacher who needs to be taught, a doctor who needs to be treated, a counselor who needs to be counseled. I guess he is just a man like any other ordinary man.

I wish I could start over.

Please take me back so that I can make it right!! Just Before it all begun...

This time round...

I will be a better son to my parents.

I will be a better child to my siblings and peers.

I will be a better student in school.

I will be a better Christian in Church and Society.

I will be a better father to my son.

I will be a better husband to my dear wife.

I will be a better friend to everyone.

I will be a better man in the society.

I feel like I can’t do no more to help the situation. I feel Like it’s time for God to do something. It’s time for The Creator to recreate, mould and Bless this walk that I dearly yearn for.

And so, I’m waiting... but if possible, God please take me back so that I may make amends and if not, please take the yoke that is weighing me down. 

Take me back to the times when I was innocent and naive. When I couldn’t differentiate black from white, when I held no grudge or hate, when I smiled with everyone, when I slept all night like a baby... 

Take me back to the times when I had peace and tranquillity if there exists such a time or place.

Take me back so that I can start all over. Maybe then, I will be able to do better. And this time don’t leave my side Dear Lord. Talk to me, walk with me all the way, through it all.

And finally when my task is done, 

My prayer is...

Take me home with peace My Lord,

Let me rest with You,

When I’ve fought the fight, 

And I’ve kept the faith,

And my race on earth is won,

All I ask is that You say well done!

Lord please let me hear You say well done!!