Struggles

 

I say it’s okay, that I’m okay,

But I’m not okay.

Struggling in this world of sin.

Struggling to understand and to be understood. 

Struggling to accept.

Struggling to fit it in.

Struggling to keep up.

Struggling to stand up.

Struggling to walk again.

Struggling to stay alive…

A lot of misunderstandings

Lots of anxiety 

Lots of self doubt and insufficiency 

Lots of mixed emotions and anger

Lots of regrets and why’s 

Lots of pain, physical and emotional.

The hopeful man ain’t hopeful no more

The adrenaline driven man has lost psyche 

The strong man ain’t strong enough 

The courageous man is deeply scared 

The happy, charming soul has lost his wits.

The proud man has been humbled.

Is this the thorn in Paul’s flesh?

Indeed it’s one painful thing to endure.

Just like Paul, I’ve cried out too many times for help but it seems Heaven has moved a little further up away from my prayers.

In the dark, within my personal space, my face contorts with anguish, my eyes reflecting a profound sense of despair. 

Each breath seems a struggle, and my shoulders bear the weight of an unbearable burden. 

The edges of surrender linger in their weary gaze, as if they're standing on the precipice of hopelessness.

I strongly want to say and believe that in the end it’s not the years in your life that count but it’s the life in your years. But again, what sort of life is this?

I know one day I will return from this and overcome what seems at the moment like a mountain. But again I’m reminded that it’s not the mountain that we conquer but ourselves… what am I going to do with myself?

The storms in my head keep ruining the garden that my soul holds.

I need help Lord…

It’s about time You come to my rescue.